A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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