Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
