Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
