did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
