I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
