Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
