You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
