where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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