so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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