she sounds like chewbacca in bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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