I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
