God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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