He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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