Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
