He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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