i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
