he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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