I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
