Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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