I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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