'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
