Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
