seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize