he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so much tequila, so little girl.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
