Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
