Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The best revenge is premature balding
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
