Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
