But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Someone shit on the floor
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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