I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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