apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
