It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
