girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Farmville is her only friend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
