why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I FOUND THE LEGS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
