but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
