Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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