How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
