i think i have herpe
just one?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
