how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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