these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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