Your dad touched me again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
