he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
