SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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