There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
