just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
