Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
