glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
