sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
