I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize