So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
