Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
