cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
