I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
