Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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