we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
