they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
