And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
