Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
