Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize