Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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