Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said her name was "party"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
