i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
