Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
