New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
this is an emotional support booty call
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
