And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
50% drunk capacity currently
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
