i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love having hate sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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