Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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