did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
