Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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